Ever given someone a gift that they didn’t acknowledge? You just wanted it to be appreciated and they’d already started awkwardly apologizing for how the size, fit, or color didn’t work for them?
You wish they had a mom like yours because she stepped on your toes and spoke through her gritted teeth to get you to say thank you at your McDonald's birthday party when little Jason gave you a Matchbox car and told you he wanted you to be his girlfriend.
Listen, I am just a mediocre gift giver. I often struggle to find the right gift, and sometimes I struggle so long to find your gift that I never even buy one. I make up for it with my wrapping when I do find one, though. I LOVE to wrap and make bows. I’ll work with the packaging of the gift for longer than it took me to choose your gift.
I love stacks of gifts with glittery bows at Christmas time. They look magical and beautiful. Full of surprise and wonder all shiny under the tree. ....and some of them are amazing once the bows are torn off and the living room is piled with paper. But let’s face it, sometimes we receive gifts that just aren’t us. They actually do fit wrong, or we truly aren’t going to use them.
Here’s the thing....I think God gave us these lives of ours as a gift. To enjoy. I think these bodies we inhabit are designed to point us back to the gift itself, the moment. To the present. I don’t think God messed up, though. God got it right with the packaging and the gift itself. We’ve just missed the beauty because we are still staring at other people’s shiny bows and packages. We are busy looking at the wrapping and letting that skew them into perfect gifts, just out of our reach (because they aren't ours to receive!!).
But if we listen in, approaching life knowing that our own body is a gift, we become more aware of the neighbor in front of us and beside us, not so that we can compare ourselves to her, but so we can sister her walk with her.
When we acknowledge the struggles we hide within ourselves and all of the things that are present with us in the current moment, AND if we can engage with the messiness of this and really live it, we get to see God who is woven all in every moment.
But it takes practice and patience and mercy. Oh wait, isn't that a familiar theme? ...fruits (autocorrect keeps making it Fritos, so shall we?) of the spirit. Wow. So where can we show more love, mercy, hope, kindness, steadfastness in our moments? More Fritos (because we're a mess out here aren't we?!) of the Spirit...because our gifts may sometimes more resemble a corn chip than an actual brown paper package tied up with string.
Right now I’m in legs up the wall yoga pose against a sliding glass door instead of the actual wall, so I can see the tree tops, the sunshine and my doggie. And it feels like bliss. Almost a guilty pleasure kind of bliss. Oh wait, actual plain guilt. I find my mind arguing with my heart about whether I should get up and DO the things the day is calling me to do.
An onslaught of every thought that supports the whole thing about how "I’m not DOING anything productive, so what’s the value in it?" It accuses me of being lazy, and then I’m all triggered because truly if there’s a word I know I hate. That’s when I remember, "oh that’s just that crazy voice in my head." She doesn't feel like a gift AT ALL.
Finally I reach a compromise for myself. Sit still for five more minutes before I engage with my day. Stay here, present to this seemingly small moment for longer and reassess. As I linger, I can hear the wind begin to blow the treetops, my dog snoring and the emptiness that meditation offers my body and soul. I feel my whole self commune with the most High, and I’m glad I stayed for a few minutes more. Maybe I will be here for a while receiving THIS GIFT that is surely a home to the likes of love and mercy and goodness.
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